


Love in Four Words

by Marie_Ciel



Category: L'Arc~en~Ciel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-11
Updated: 2012-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-30 23:43:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/337514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Ciel/pseuds/Marie_Ciel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyde is at a loss for words. When one loves another that much, how could one ever properly express it? A story recounting several instances that led up to the creation of the song, "Anemone".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love in Four Words

“I don't know how to tell you how I feel.”

  
It was such a cliché thing to say, but what else could he say?

  
Hyde, the one who always knew exactly what to say. He could almost hear Tetsuya's voice ringing in his mind, that sarcastic tone. He would never believe it. It was ironic, Hyde had to admit, for someone like him to be so without words at such a perfect time. In song, he could spin words and thread phrases just as eloquently on paper as with his voice; in conversation he could be equal parts sardonic and snarky as agreeable and amiable. There was always a comeback perched on the tip of his tongue, waiting for the chance to spring. It was simply his nature. Some people were meant to be great writers, others people of action; some were gifted with the pen and some with the sword. As for Hyde, even those who disliked him would admit, with a grudging tone hissed through clenched teeth, that the man had a way with words.

  
Then, to those who knew Hyde- and by this time, it was safe to say that quite a few people did- his statement made little to no sense.

  
Hyde, not knowing how to express something in words? It was terribly unnatural, nearly to the point of being laughable.

  
However, there was no mistaking the solemnity in the dark eyes of Hyde. His lips were pulled up at the corners in the slightest smile, such that he appeared almost sad.

  
“Don't know what to say...?” There was clear disbelief in Megumi's voice. She, along with the rest of the world, if it could hear, simply could not believe what she was hearing.

  
“It is hard to match words to feelings...no matter how long I think about it, no words in the dictionary are enough. They cannot describe all of the wonderful, brilliant emotions I experience, sum up all of what our memories together mean to me...”

  
Megumi laughed a touch nervously. “I understand. There is a really easy way to say all of that, you know!” She smiled. “You can just say, 'I love you.'”

  
For a moment, Hyde's expression was one of surprise and bewilderment, but this soon melted into a grin.

  
“Megumi, I love you.” He tried. He did like the sound of those words together, and it earned him another heavenly smile from his girlfriend. Still, it didn't feel like enough.

  
Four words? Four words could not possibly be enough.

  
-

  
Vivid colors blazed across the sky, tearing Hyde's dream to charred, half-remembered pieces. His eyes fluttered open to see nothing but shocking white light, and retreated back into darkness without remorse. Where _was_ he?

The outside world was too bright, too brilliant, too _real_. He sighed. It would be nice to return to that dream; if only it were as easy as finding the folded page corner in a book! He drew in a deep breath, and was rather startled to catch the fresh scent of grass. He was not in his bedroom?

  
He willed his eyes once more, and this time, they were better prepared for the daylight. His vision was filled with deep blue sky, fringed on the corners by a few lazily drifting clouds. For a brief moment, he foolishly wondered if he was looking at a painting.

  
“Hello! Did you have a nice nap?” A light and delicate feminine voice wafted to him, somewhere out of his dreams.

  
Hyde turned his head to the side, and his heart did a very uncomfortable somersault.

  
Why did that have to happen every time he looked at her?

  
Her warm brown eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and her porcelain skin was iridescent. Her white sundress was akin to what heavenly beings would wear; but of course, in the eyes of her lover, she was a heavenly being herself. Hyde found himself half-consciously reaching for a lock of her dark hair, catching a strand from the breeze's playful hands to curl it around his finger.

  
Perhaps he had fallen asleep again, after all?

  
Seeing Hyde's blank stare, as he was enthralled simply looking at her, Megumi spoke again. “I brought you some lunch!”

That's right- the two of them had gone to the park that afternoon. They had sat down in the grass, looking at the clouds... apparently the only clouds there that day were rather uninteresting to Hyde. That or, the grass was simply very comfortable.

  
“Lunch?” Hyde repeated numbly, finally working up the courage to bring his eyes to meet hers.  
A smile played on the corners of the woman's lips as she held out a plain white lunch box, delicately removing the lid with her fingers.

  
“S-soba?” This was unbelievable. “You got this for me?”

  
“Of course!” Suddenly the smile melted away, and her eyebrows knitted together. “That is what you like, isn't it?”

  
“Yes! I love it!” Hyde exclaimed. He opened his mouth to say more, but he found a pair of chopsticks shoved between his lips, bearing a small heap of lightly steaming noodles. “ _Daisuki!_ ” He said gratefully, for what else could he say to someone so wonderful? But, seeing as his mouth was rather occupied, it came out sounding more along the lines of, “Dahshookee...”

  
Megumi giggled. The meaning was there.

It was those sorts of days, those _moments_ , even, that were so undefinable. While some would write them off as silly or pointless encounters, to Hyde, every second was more precious than anything. How could he possibly tell her that?

_With these shining memories engraved in my heart,_

He wanted those memories to be with him forever, just as vivid as they were that day.

_Kagayakashii omoide kizamareta mama._

-

“Are you asleep over there?”

Hyde jumped a little, startled to attention by Tetsuya's bemused voice. The bassist threw him a sidelong glance through his heavily tinted sunglasses, to which Hyde responded with a scowl.

“K-keep your eyes on the road...”

Tetsuya, smiling just a little, shook his head. He twisted the steering wheel, navigating the more lightly used city roads with ease- he drove them nearly every day.

“You've been awfully daydreamy recently. What's up?”

“Ah, of course you've noticed. Must be infringing on my work ethic, or something.” The vocalist said in a low, trenchant voice.

“Must be nice...”

It was a completely earnest statement. Hyde was struck by the tinges of loneliness in the bassist's words. Suddenly he felt almost guilty for bringing it up in such a manner. He wanted to apologize, but remorse forced him to stare out at the blurs of the city passing by instead.

“To the station, right?”

“Yes, that's right.” Hyde confirmed. “...Thanks again, Tet-chan.”

Tetsuya shrugged- it was no trouble. Of course, Hyde was perfectly capable of driving himself to the station, but there were times that he asked his friend to give him a ride instead. He was grateful for the company, and talking to Tetsuya had never done him wrong. In fact, there had been many a time that it been of great help.

He didn't get a ride because he needed to get there. He did it for the advice, and because he needed a friendly ear for his troubles.

“What'cha thinking about?”

Hyde pursed his lips. “...I don't know what to say to her. What do I say?” The identity of the 'her' in this statement was quite obvious. This particular 'her' had come up in conversation quite a few times before.

“What do you want to say?”

“I want to tell her what she means to me. No matter what I say, it isn't enough.”

While Hyde expected a laugh, and a sarcastic response from his friend, the response instead was thoughtful. “Sometimes actions speak louder than words, you know. There are certain things that words cannot properly express. If you show her how much you love her, I'm sure she'll get the meaning.”

This was a strange concept to Hyde. He was so used to communicating in words- for him, it was quite the opposite. He could always use words if he didn't know what to do. What could he possibly do to show her, if he didn't even know what to say? It was obvious what he _felt_ , but how could he _do_ that, or translate it into words? It all seemed staggeringly impossible.

“What's it like?”

Another unexpected question caught Hyde off-guard. “What?”

“Being in love. What's it like?”

It was such a painfully innocent question.

“...It's unstoppable. It's like a force that takes over you. It makes you do things, and feel things, that you would never expect to.”

_Because no one can put out that quietly burning flame._

“It's the most wonderful thing.” He finished softly.

“Tell her that.” As they stopped at a light, Tetsuya leaned his elbow on the back of the seat and turned to face Hyde. “Try to explain that to her. It's honest, isn't it?”

“But...”

“Or just tell her that you love her. I guess that sums everything up, huh? Though I'm sure you can put it very eloquently!”

_Shizuka ni moeru honoo wa dare ni mo kese wa shinai kara._

“Should I tell her simply, just like that? What is best?”

“I wouldn't know.” Tetsuya shrugged indifferently. Though he said it lightly, almost flippant, Hyde could tell that was not how he truly felt.

“You wouldn't know as in you haven't ever said it?”

“I wouldn't say it unless I truly meant it. Those words aren't to be said lightly. I've never felt that way, as to need to say that.” He raised his eyebrows. “But _you_ know! So, you need to say it.”

“I _have_ told her that I love her...”

“Then she knows it. You don't need to say it any other way, I don't think. There is no problem!”

The car slid to a stop and Tetsuya adjusted the stick shift accordingly. Now there was only the rumble of the engine to fill the air as the car idled beside the train station sign.

“There _is_ another way to say it... something between saying it and showing it. You know what I mean.”

Hyde nodded slowly. He knew exactly what Tetsuya meant. “You always take your sweet time in getting to your point, Tet-chan.” He said tersely, merely feeling like being difficult.

“I know sarcasm is just your way of showing affection.” Tetsuya blew it off, with equal sarcasm. “You were always thinking it- you were only waiting for someone else to suggest it!” He shook his head, and the cynical tone was dropped. “I'm always willing to help with a melody, or arrangements, or whatever, you know.”

“I know, and thank you.” Hyde seemed a bit hesitant to leave, like there was something else he wanted to say. “I might... I might do just that. I don't know. Give me some time to think about it. I might be talking to you about it again.” He said slowly.

“Always happy to help! Give you a ride somewhere else, whenever you want. You know I'm always looking for an excuse to drive.”

“I ask you too many times...”

“You can't do without my indispensable words! Ah, the sagely man I am.” Tetsuya joked good-naturedly.

Hyde opened the car door and swung his legs out. “Actually,” He looked back over his shoulder. “Could you drive me back from the station, tonight?”

“Sure thing. Ten o'clock? I'll be here.”

“Thanks.” He paused for a moment, for effect. He couldn't help it. “I love you, Tet-chan!”

“Get out of my car.” Tetsuya grinned.

-

  
 _My wish is but one._

The quiet darkness of night descended upon the city.

  
The worries of the day melt away into shadows, leaving raw emotions bare and exposed. There are no objects to tie them to, no work or worry to inhibit them.

  
Yet, in this torrid time, in the city streets, there is a muted tranquility.

_Sou watashi no kokoro wa hitotsu..._

  
There was snow on the ground that night, and in the semidarkness, it appeared ethereal, almost like clouds. The golden light from streetlights made the scenery heavenly.

  
Two angels in winter coats, bound together by their hands, materialized out of the darkness as they came under a streetlight. One took a few steps ahead as the other had abruptly halted.

  
The man's steps paused as his eyes drifted to their connected hands.

  
“What is it?” It was Megumi's piped up curiously.

  
“Come here, for just a sec?” Hyde's voice was a bit rough.

  
The woman turned around, silhouetted in the golden circle of light, and took a step into the man's arms.

  
“Is something wrong?”

  
“No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to stop for a minute.”

  
“...Alright.” Megumi laid her cheek on his shoulder, her cloudy breath billowing up before Hyde's face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

The silence was disturbed only by loving whispers from the winter wind, surrounding the couple. There was nothing to be said. Their silence together spoke volumes.

“Are you sure that you're alright? Is something bothering you?” Megumi pulled away, placing her hands on Hyde's cheeks. Her fingers felt pleasantly warm on his face.

His hand slid over hers, their fingers lacing together. He turned and kissed her hand, the beginnings of a smile flickering in his eyes and tugging at his lips. “I'm fine.”

This was a complete lie.

It wasn't like he could tell her what was wrong, though- it was nothing she could remedy. This was something he had to deal with, himself. He could never tell her that his heart was fluttering madly, bounding off of the inside of his chest so much that it was painful. Thankfully the streetlight threw most of his face into shadow, so she could not see the coloring in his cheeks, though perhaps she could feel the flushed warmth in them.

The moment was right, yet... he could not do it. Not yet, not yet, not yet. He wasn't ready.

Nestled inside his coat pocket was a small box. Even through layers of clothing and the coldness of the air, he could feel it burning in his pocket, and the feeling shot through straight to his heart.

Hyde let his eyes fall closed. Not yet, not yet.

_To entrust my eternal vow with those hands._

_Eien no chikai o sono te ni yudanete._

The words that spilled out next were not the ones he truly wanted to say.

“It's pretty late, isn't it? Let me take you home.”

His voice trembled ever so slightly, the tone and pitch fluctuating. Megumi made no sign that she noticed this, and agreed.

They did not move.

“I'm sorry.”

Megumi was taken aback. “Why are you apologizing?”

“...I don't feel right.” He said gloomily, shaking his head. No matter what he said, he could not bring himself to look into Megumi's eyes; he was almost afraid that she would see his anxiety, and the truth, through them. Suddenly his shoes were very interesting.

“Oh, you poor thing! Did you catch a cold from being outside?” Her expression hardened inconsiderably, now looking at Hyde more critically. “You've been overworking yourself again, haven't you? You need to take good care of yourself and not stay out working too late! If you wanted to take a break once in a while, I'm sure your band friends would understand.”

A grin appeared on Hyde's face in a flash. “Oh, you don't need to worry about that! Working too hard is definitely  _not_ my problem! Tet-chan would be the first to tell you.” The tension was shattered, and he looked up at his girlfriend. She was smiling too.

“That's more like it! What's the matter with my Haido-kun, now?” They both were suppressing giggles, a combination of the sudden relaxation and the late hour making them giddy. Megumi stood on her tiptoes, leaning in to kiss Hyde. She was rather surprised to find a finger on her lips instead, holding her away.

Hyde was uncharacteristically serious. “Wait, just a moment! We're out in public, and you know how the media can be. We wouldn't want anyone to see us...” They looked around, waiting for someone to jump out of the darkness with the flash of a camera, or to find a microphone suddenly shoved up in their faces.

It remained as quiet as ever.

Megumi stuck out her lip in a childish pout. She mumbled something incomprehensible, but it sounded more than mildly unhappy.

“There's no need to worry. It's late, so it's easy to stay hidden...” He smiled coyly and pulled on her arm, pointing to a spot farther along on the sidewalk, out of the circle of light, where it was nearly black.

“Oh, clever-” She started to say, but this dissolved into breathless laughter as they dashed off out of the light and out of sight. The darkness became sweet, hiding only one of many undocumented kisses.

Kekkon shite kudasai?

-

Hyde tossed the microphone from his right hand to his left, to his right, and to his left again. Any anxiety he felt or indecision gnawing at him was concealed in this gesture.

The last lingering echo of a guitar chord and a cymbal crash faded into nothingness, and the entire concert hall was thrown into silence as the cheers began to lessen as well.

The moment had come. It was his stage.

Every last morsel of attention in the crowd now hung on that silence, eagerly awaiting the moment when Hyde's lips would part, the song would be named, and the show would go on.

Still, the deafening silence continued.

It was not that Hyde did not know what to say- he knew exactly what he was going to say, now. He knew exactly how to introduce the song, and he had known for a while. In that moment, he had only to work up the courage to speak them.

Four words. He needed only four words.

He willed his feet to carry him to the very front of the stage. The crowd watched hungrily as he solemnly slid the microphone into its stand. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Tetsuya flashing him an encouraging smile; he hoped that the smile he returned bore the smallest flicker of confidence, at least.

Four words.

They reverberated around the entirety of the building, destroying the all-encompassing silence. Hyde could see a few of the faces in the crowd- some were confused, some more knowing, and he searched for the one he knew best...

Gently, the strings entered with their heavenly sound. The piano notes, innocent teardrops, followed. A chord harmonized perfectly with something stirring in his heart, and time slowed to a virtual standstill. This was his song, and his moment. It was _their_ moment.

Four words.

A smile glowed on his face as Hyde began to sing.

Four words.  
 

“For my love... 'Anemone'.”


End file.
